Resolutions to live by and not break

The start of a new year always suggests to each of us that we should change some phases of our lifestyle. We think we will improve if we make a list of resolutions. The problem is, for the most part, this is as far as it goes.

Like most of you, I’m sure, I have made such a list of resolutions. But, let’s face it, they just don’t hold up the test of time. It’s merely wishful thinking. I hope that if I write down a resolution about something I would like to change, it will automatically happen. Plain and simple resolutions don’t work for me and I bet they don’t work for most of you.

This year, I’m going to try something different, a complete departure from the traditional New Year’s resolutions. I call them, “reverse resolutions.”

Think about it, reverse resolutions means something entirely different than the same old resolution. I think I’ll like them because I don’t have to be concerned when they don’t work out. Like I said, they seldom do anyway, so I don’t really care.

The key of course to a good list of reverse resolutions is selecting those things you don’t want to change in the first place.

So here you go, my list of reverse resolutions for the year 2007…..

1) I resolve not to diet this year. Every year I resolve to diet and lose weight. I never do. So this year’s first resolution should hold up quite well. And if for some strange reason it doesn’t then I will still be satisfied.

I’m not going to worry about exercise either, it only makes my joints sore. Besides, I’ve been telling my wife for years my ultimate goal is to reach 300 pounds, go bald, smoke cigars, buy a big new oak desk for my office and sit back, put my feet up and bark orders to the others in the office.

Yeah, how do you like that one?

I’ll become a newspaper tycoon and act and look the part as well.

2) I resolve there will be no afternoon tea parties at the office and I will not take a sip of tea the entire year, which won’t be hard to keep because I don’t like tea in the first place.

Although I will continue to make the strongest pot of coffee found anywhere east of the Mississippi.

See where I’m going here?

3) I resolve not to clutter my mind with cultural type things, like the opera, plays, musicals and the like. Instead, I’ll continue my entertainment pursuits of Da Yooper’s, rodeos, hunting shows on TNN, the WWF and Old Milwaukee beer.

I’m starting to enjoy this reverse resolution process. It makes a lot of sense to me.

4) I resolve not to learn anything more about computers, smart phones, or smart tv’s. I can’t remember how to use those machines anyway. Besides, I think it is a communist plot, with all those codes and stuff.

Computer language such as modems, pixels, quark, and cyber space is beyond my comprehension. I can’t understand the need to spend a lot of time learning all those terms which I have gotten along just fine without all my life.

5) I resolve not to spend my afternoons watching TV soap operas. I’ll keep myself busy plowing drives in the winter, cutting trees down with my Stihl chainsaw in the summer, hunting whitetails and chewing tobacco in the fall.

There, now that wasn’t very hard was it?

After many years of broken resolutions I have decided I am what I am and New Year’s resolutions are not going to change me.

So here’s to a happier New Year.

Contact Randy at rjorgensen@pageone-inc.com