“The player who didn’t need to prove anything”

“One of my more shameful memories comes from my high school years,” writes Brian Bantum (The Christian Century, June 2025).

“I was a soccer player. It was the totality of my identity. I was good, but others were better-and I knew it. And devotion and insecurity are a dangerous cocktail.”

Brian relates that as a high school student he often helped coach elementary school kids. He was insecure and this insecurity made him want to show off and dominate.

He would walk onto the field in full gear: nice cleats, expensive shin guards, and tee shirt proudly proclaiming his status as a high school player. The little kids were in awe of his ability to move the ball and dribble around them.

During a scrimmage he would dribble around each of these kids, employing every trick in the book, yelling as loudly as he could, “GOOOOOAAAAA- LLLLL!!” for each of the five or six goals he scored.

One day another player came to help out with the young kids. This player was just dressed in shorts and regular athletic shoes, but his skill level was outstanding.

Brian took up his usual spot in the scrimmage, prepared to dribble through pairs of little legs and break a few tender ankles.

He reached the new player, Brian recalls, “All I saw was a slight shift in his hips and then his foot in front of the ball I was about to strike. The next thing I knew, I was face down in the grass, and he had already sent the ball upfield, in one fluid motion, to a teammate waiting to score.”

This player, home on spring break from playing Division 1 soccer, did not need to dominate little kids to prove something.

After this embarrassing incident, Brian had time to reflect. It became a pivotal moment of insight for him, as he realized how wrong it was to overcome his insecurities through domination.

Brian looks back with embarrassment at the person he was before meeting that other player, yet thankful that since then, he is able to discern between those who grasp for power by dominating and those whose power comes from their love.

I had a similar experience when playing kickball with a bunch of kids and one of their dads, a grown man.

I’m very competitive, but this guy, we’ll call him Charlie, went way beyond my degree of competitiveness.

When a third grader pitched the kickball to him, Charlie kicked it as hard as he possibly could, sailing the ball way above everyone’s head for a home run.

The kids learned to back way up when Charlie came up to bat, but that just increased his determination to out-kick and out-power them. Watching this, I began to see myself in Charlie and began to feel genuinely embarrassed. Strength is about lifting others up, not dominating them.

The kind of power that is most helpful in our world is not based on wealth, dominance, or military power, but rather on love and compassion.

The temptation to prove our worth by overpowering others is real. But the people who actually change the world don’t need to prove anything, they lead with love rather than dominance.

We all have our “Charlie moments.” The good news is there’s still time to become the kind of player the world really needs.

About the author: Rev. Sharon Smith is a local pastor at Imlay City’s St. George Lutheran Church, professor, and storyteller who believes humility is underrated and love is the real game-changer. She lives with her husband, two dogs, and zero tolerance for unnecessary kickball aggression.

Contact Sharon at tct@pageone-inc.com