Confessions of a three-year old shoplifter

“Sin is our only hope,” claims theologian Barbara Brown Taylor.

Huh? In her rather unusual way of phrasing things, Brown is making the point that recognizing something is wrong within us is the first step towards making it right.

If we are unable to admit things might be broken, there is no hope for repair, no hope for transformation, no hope for forward progress.

My first act of theft occurred at the tender age of three and a half. It is one of my earliest memories, every detail deeply embedded in my mind.

I was walking through a long-gone department store called Kresge’s with my mother and sister, when I swiped a piece of chocolate candy from behind the bulk candy supply.

When we got outside, I proudly and foolishly showed it to my older sister who immediately tattled to my mother.

Mom marched me right back inside, paid for the candy, forced me to stammer out an “I’m sorry,” and then refused to let the kind lady give me the candy.

Instead, Mom instructed her to throw it into the garbage. When we got home, my mouthy sister immediately announced to everyone, “Sharon stole something today!” It was not pleasant being Sharon for the next few days.

Thankfully, that lesson on theft never left me and I learned a valuable lesson about “Thou shalt not steal.”

Another lesson came out of that day: it’s okay to be wrong, as long as you’re willing to admit it, apologize, and try to do better.

That was the first time I remember saying “I’m sorry,” or in other cases, “I was wrong.” But each time has been both humbling and exhilarating. There is great freedom in owning one’s mistakes and admitting one is wrong.

I’ve read a considerable amount on this topic, as it applies to how we think. There are various terminologies used by researchers. In all cases, the invitation is the same: care more about what is true than about being right.

Two examples are first Julia Galef’s concept of Scout (curiosity, interest) vs. Soldier (adamantly fighting for one’s views) mentalities; and second, Adam Grant’s Scientist (where one is curious and open) vs. Prosecutor, Preacher or Politician (defending beliefs without evidence and trying to prove others wrong and convince them of one’s own viewpoint).

In these and many cases, the basic underlying idea is being willing to be open minded, flexible, and curious instead of lock step rigid in our thinking.

As it turns out, overconfidence in one’s convictions often correlates with lower competence. We are actually less competent when we are rigid because our views, no matter how well read we are, are always limited.

Being open to other viewpoints allows us to get closer to the truth.

What profound implications this has, especially with regard to politics and our current polarized landscape.

Instead of choosing sides, we could recognize the complexity of issues. Can you imagine how different our world would be if we didn’t dig in, believing only one side of the political spectrum, and instead recognize the nuances of each side?

That kind of humility is not weakness. Being open minded creates multiple advantages, such as the ability to make better decisions, stronger relationships (since you don’t alienate everyone who thinks differently from you), and personal growth.

How often do you look at things from a different perspective and change your mind? Far from being a character flaw, admitting that you were wrong and have changed your mind is a sign of great strength of character.

Ever since my childhood theft incident, I had to admit my wrong or mistaken notions countless times. It hasn’t always been easy, but there is a definite joy and a surprising freedom in laying down the burden of always having to be right.

About the author: Rev. Sharon Smith is pastor at St. George Lutheran Church, a writer, and recovering three-year-old shoplifter who now specializes in being wrong, admitting it, and reflecting theologically.

Contact Sharon at dave@tri-citytimes.com