“Sha-din-froy-da and Me”; Freudenfreude

At high school football games, I remember cheering when the opposing quarterback got injured and had to leave the game.

Mean? Definitely. But the entire student section was erupting with joy along with me.

Years later, I hadn’t changed much, though I learned to hide it.

When my son played college hockey, I secretly rejoiced when the cocky star goalie from the other team got pulled mid-game for letting in four goals. “Serves him right,” I thought.

I was less vocal, but just as pleased as was the high school me. What is this twisted little thrill I keep feeling?

“Schadenfreude” is a German word that describes this particular emotion, literally meaning, “Harm-joy.”

It is an emotion we all get when we are happy about the trials, failures and humiliation of another person.

Simply put, it is pleasure derived from someone’s misfortune. It’s not just Germany, many cultures have a single word or a saying for this emotion, like this Japanese saying: “The misfortunes of others taste like honey.”

When people are asked to list emotions, they typically think of three: love, hate and anger.

Yet there are a plethora of other emotions, some less noble, some more.

Schadenfreude, pronounced sha-din-froy-da, while fun to say, is one of those not-so-noble emotions.

We saw a lot of schadenfreude during the pandemic. Vaccine proponents smirked when anti-vaxxers fell ill, were hospitalized or even died.

Anti-vaxxers were just as gleeful when someone who had the vaccine came down with a case of covid – the more severe, the more rejoicing.

We also see it in politics, sports and culture. Doesn’t it warm your heart when a person of the opposing political party is discovered in a scandal?

Doesn’t it thrill you when the rival sports team that you can’t stand loses big in the championship game?

People were exultant when Martha Stewart went to jail for insider trading and smug when Alex Rodriguez was suspended for doping.

Schadenfreude is a very human emotion, but not a very admirable emotion. Unlike empathy, which binds us together, schadenfreude divides us.

As researcher Brene Brown notes, there is a cruelty and insecurity about it, even though it is seductive in its ability to draw us in.

It seems that groups who practice schadenfreude (think of political allies) develop a false type of bond. This type of emotion does not build true connections, unlike the emotion of empathy, which truly does bind people together.

Schadenfreude is positively correlated with other negative emotions like envy and anger, as well as traits like aggression and narcissism.

But if schadenfreude is seductive and destructive, is there a better alternative?

Thankfully, yes – and it has a name just as German and just as fun to say: Freudenfreude.

This is the opposite of schadenfreude and means the enjoyment of another’s success.

The more you practice freudenfreude, the more natural it becomes. Brown relates the story told by Abby Wamback in her book Wolfpack. Abby Wamback is an Olympic gold medalist soccer player and FIFA World Cup Champion.

She writes about the “point and run” She explains that whenever she scored a goal, she would immediately point to the person who made the assist or the coach who called the play.

And if someone else scored, they ran, to celebrate another person’s victory. She writes, “You will not always be the goal scorer. When you are not, you better be rushing toward her.”

Celebrating when someone has success does not come naturally, especially when you’re on the opposing side and to be honest, even when you are on the same team.

But freudenfreude, like empathy, creates something schadenfreude never can: true connection, real joy. Strangely enough, it feels better to run toward someone else’s celebration than to sit alone in your own secret gloating.

About the author: Rev. Sharon Smith is pastor of St. Paul’s Lutheran Church, writer, professor and confirmed morning person who somehow functions just fine without coffee.

When she’s not working or wrangling her two rescue dogs, she’s probably writing about life’s awkward truths and hidden joys. She believes in empathy, honest questions and the power of a well-placed German noun.

Contact Sharon at tct@pageone-inc.com