“If someone doesn’t like me, I feel sorry for them”

Marianna’s last meal was a single blueberry.

In her final days, Marianna had little appetite. Once in a while she requested oatmeal, but when it arrived, she pushed it away.

She did, however, eat blueberries. The last blueberry seemed symbolic: a final moment of sweetness in a long life.

The final single blueberry was one of the many details I remember about Marianna, who died at the age of 96.

But my most vivid memory is of our first meeting, when Marianna said, “If someone doesn’t like me, I feel sorry for them.”

“What!?” I thought to myself, baffled and chagrined. “Is this person conceited or what?”

But as time went on, I learned what Marianna meant. And I completely agreed.

Marianna was getting at the fact that people often prejudge, making assumptions about her before making any effort at all to understand her.

If they didn’t like her, they really hadn’t given her a chance at all, because she was an intelligent, feisty, kind, and warm human being with an incredible sense of humor.

What’s not to like? And yet some people, for whatever reason, rejected or dismissed her. She had learned in her long life that that was on them, not her.

She didn’t take it to heart when someone was brusque or rude. She just felt sorry for them. She did not need validation from others; she knew exactly who she was.

I learned a lot from Marianna in the ten years I knew her. Mostly, her statement opened my eyes to when I misjudged someone or was misjudged myself.

I became more aware of how often people, for whatever reason, are cold and dismissive of me without ever engaging me.

The receiving end of snap judgments can be painful, but like Marianna, I’m learning to feel sorry for such people instead of taking it personally.

And I can recognize when I too make quick judgments about others instead of engaging them and perhaps coming to a different conclusion.

When that happens, I remind myself of Marianna’s first words to me. I step back, pause, and reengage with the individual.

Most times I find a trait or quality in that person that is unique and worth appreciating.

I am sure Marianna influenced many people in her life, and I am thankful for the way she influenced me.

She taught me to rethink the quick assumptions we often make. She never carried the weight of others’ opinions.

Her last meal, a single blueberry, reflected the choices she made in her dealings with others: savor what is good and let the rest go.

Email Sharon at tct@pageone-inc.com.